When does caring become a burden? Do you ever feel like you’ve had enough? Most people do not discuss the anger and bitterness that can come for caring for someone. They put on a face that appears to all the world that everything is fine. They experience anxiety, depression, health concerns and eating disorders as well as a whole host of other symptoms and illness.
It is not something that is talked about much, unless you are in a care group and not even than sometimes. You see people feel shame and guilt as well as “I should be able to do this without ending up hating the one I am caring for.” Sadly life does not always work this way. Many families are being hard pressed to care for loved ones that they are starting to resent it. Why? Some families are fragmented and do not have the social support that used to be. Families live out of area and sometimes you will find one adult child trying to do it all without the other adults involved. Most people hold full time jobs or have medical concerns of their own and asked to take on the care of a senior that was not involved in their life as child.
There are situations where persons have divorced and the well spouse has taken on the care of the person who walked away from them years ago and now in their time of need, stepped up to be the caretaker. If there was abuse in this marriage it may be a time of trying to resolve old hurts and come to terms with your past. ( A word of caution, while some persons can do this, many are unable and can become bitter, resentful and endanger their own health.)
The reasons are many, the answers are not easy. Cost is the biggest factor when a person is the caretaker. Parents have either not planned or monies have been lost to the recession and there is no one but you to take this on. There are many loving persons who feel they have made a promise to a parent or a spouse to care for them and now feel they must honor this. What I tell my families the promises you made at the time maybe 10 or 20 years ago are sometimes hard to keep. Not because you do not wish to but because lives have changed, needs have changed and while you made that promise in all good faith, you now find yourself unable to fulfill that promise. It’s okay, we all have made promises that at the time we felt we could do. But there comes a time of reality check, and the reality is Mom, Dad and a spouse needs more than you can give.
I know this from a professional level as well as a personal one. Unless you have been there and cared for a loved one it really is hard to understand all the stress’s and pain that can come along with the caring.
Care Pathways was founded for this very reason to give you the tools and information on caring, placement and services that can help you the caregiver. We are located in Orange County and not a nation wide data service. We provide real time help to seniors and families who are in need.. For more information contact us at 714-743-6309 or the form on this site.